I'm Still Here...

I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I promise I'm still here. I've just been busy soaking up every second with my little guy. He's just so precious... I can't even stand it sometimes... like this morning when I was dancing with Gus while listening to the Glee soundtrack (Thanks E!) and I started crying while "Don't Stop Believing" was playing. What!?! Why!?! I have no clue!!! Apparently I've lost it!

So, if you believe in the power of prayer the way that I do, please pray for me. In all seriousness, it's starting to hit me that I am going back to work in a month, and I'm a little bit sadder about it than I thought I would be. I still feel that it's the right decision for us right now, but that doesn't make it an easy thing.

On a lighter note, I have been thinking of new blog posts. So, as a teaser until I find the time to write them, here are the posts I've been thinking of...

• A Few of My Favorite Things That I Never Knew Would Be My Favorite Things
• Mommy vs. Daddy: An Analysis of Parental Roles
• Giselle and Heidi Be Damned, I Still Like My Body (Kind Of...)

And, to satisfy the Gus cuteness requirement for today, here's a cute picture of the little guy working on his Tummy Time. He's a pro!

A Walking Cliche'

This is me... one giant walking cliche'... at least ever since Gus was born. Before having a child of my own, I had observed many parents acting in cliche' manners... crying at dance recitals, holding onto everything their child ever touched, and taking five billion pictures in an effort to hold onto their child's innocent years. Aside from the picture thing, I really did not envision myself as one of these parents. I was wrong!

From the moment this child entered my life, I have become a different person. In the first couple of weeks, as extreme sleep deprivation and crazy hormones brought on the baby blues, I cried every day for two reasons (and let me emphasize that I do not like to cry)... First, my mother was going to be leaving in a week. Ridiculous!?! I know! But after having Gus, I had a whole new appreciation for my mother, and I didn't know what I was going to do without her (Cliche' #1). And, second, every time I thought about Gus growing up and getting older, even by just a week, I would get so sad. The thought of my tiny, innocent baby getting bigger and more independent just tore my heart out (Cliche' #2)!

Luckily, my hormones leveled out after a couple of weeks, and my normal self returned... or so I thought. Although I finally feel like myself again, I have begun to notice a few subtle changes...

I have become extremely protective of my son... extremely protective. If you are even remotely sick, don't think about coming near him. You will only piss me off, and I will tell you not to touch him and to leave. Rude? Perhaps. But for some reason, it feels necessary. You're not the one dealing with a sick baby. I am. And, it rips my heart apart when he cries because he doesn't feel good (Cliche' #3).

Also, my new hobby is crying during commercials. Have you been watching The Olympics? Of course you have. So have I. And, one thing that I have noticed is that all of the commercials are aimed at moms. "Thank you mom for washing all of my hockey clothes, thank you mom for driving me to practice, thank you mom for taking me to the doctor to have my shattered bones put back together, etc." You get the picture. Well, all of these commercials make me cry! And the worst one of all is the preview for a new program on NBC called "Parenthood." It features the song "Forever Young," and it talks about how parenthood is too short. It gets me every time! I've become a total sap (Cliche' #4)!

Finally, and I'm sure there will be more examples, but for today, these are the only ones I'm willing to share... The other day, our iTunes started playing "In My Life" by The Beatles (one of my favorite songs). I was holding Gus, and we started to dance while I sang along to the song. Before I knew it, I could no longer sing along, and I had tears streaming down my face. Why? Well, this is the most embarrassing cliche' of them all. So, here goes... I suddenly pictured myself dancing to this song with Gus at his wedding, and I lost it! Pure insanity (Cliche' #5)!

This child has turned me into a ginormous walking cliche', and I'm not bothered by it at all. Who cares what people think or even what my old self would have thought! I'm a mom now, and I'll own it!

Gus, I would turn into a cliche' for you a million times over! You are my sun and my moon! I love you!

Memories

Yesterday was a low point for me... hopefully the lowest. The combination of pure exhaustion, raging hormones, and breastfeeding troubles nearly did me in. However, through the grogginess and the tears, I was still amazed by how precious my son is and how I grow more and more in love with him with each passing moment.

Because I know that in time these first few weeks will be a blur, I wanted to take note of a few things that I don't ever want to forget...

• The amazing sense of accomplishment that I felt when I gave birth to my son.
• How tiny he felt in my arms for the first time.
• How all of the nurses made such a fuss over his eyelashes (the first trait that I could claim).
• His tiny little cries... they became much bigger cries all too fast.
• How much hair he has! For months, I wondered what his hair would look like, but I never guessed that he would have this much hair! It's way too cute!
• The look on Blake's face the first time (and every time since) that he laid eyes on his boy. "Enamored" was the word that Blake used to describe the feeling.
• Watching our parents meet their first grandchild.
• How good it feels to hold my baby in my arms.
• His ears. They're still hairy (a Blake trait?), and one of them is squished just like one of mine.
• His fuzzy back.
• How incredibly soft his skin is.
• His smell (when he doesn't have a poopie diaper). I wish I could bottle it!
• All of the funny facial expressions that he makes in his sleep... so many, many expressions. What could he possibly be dreaming about!?!
• His smile. Even though he only smiles with his eyes closed at this point, he is smiling more and more often, and it makes my whole day!
• The fact that everyone says he looks just like Blake. He's such a handsome boy.
• His long, skinny fingers and toes.
• How fast his fingernails grow! They need to be filed at least once a week!
• How amazing my mother was to stay with us for a week and a half. I couldn't have done it without her. And, what they say about appreciating your mother more after you become a mother is totally true.
• How excited we were when his umbilical cord fell off... despite the fact that we have no idea where it went!
• How cute his belly button is.
• How often he gets the hiccups!
  
• How strong he is. He loves to push up when he's laying on your chest and look around!
• His Zoolander face.
• How much I love to kiss those little feet that kicked me for so long!
• How all of his newborn clothes were too big for him.
• How peaceful he is when he's asleep.
• The cowlick on the front of his head which is just like Blake's... eventually it will be a Superman curl.
  
• His skinny, bird legs (another Blake trait).
• All of his extra, wrinkly skin... kind of like a puppy.
• How he loves to sit in the sunshine (Granny taught him that one).
• All of his sweet noises.
• How thrilled Blake and I are to have had a baby together.
• How everything felt surreal until the moment he was born, and then it felt like he had always been here.
• The funny noises that Blake makes every time he doesn't get the diaper on in time and Gus christens the wall and everything else within his range.
• How I could spend hours just staring at him.
  
• How big his eyes get when he is trying to figure out the world around him.
  
• What a natural Blake is with his son. They have a bond that cannot be described in words! Watching them together makes my life.
  
• How good it felt to hold him and to know that he had missed me after Blake and I went on our first post-baby date.
• How I would do anything in the world for this child.
• How very, very much I love him.
• How lucky I am that he is mine.
  

Gus

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
10:37 p.m.
6 lbs. 7 oz.
19"

Anticipation

Ever since I found out that The Hill People would be expanding from two to three, I've wanted to start this blog. However, I figured that I would wait until the littlest Hill Person made his arrival. Well, now, here I am... stuck on the couch going out of my mind with boredom. So, I might as well go ahead and start this blog. Rather than bore you with my negative thoughts on bed rest, I am going to share a few of my ponderings as I venture into the unknown world of motherhood. Today's topic... when two become three.

Being on bed rest provides one with plenty of time to think... quite possibly too much time to think. And, seeing as how I tend to over analyze things anyway, I'm not sure that it's actually healthy to do this much thinking. However, thinking is what I have done, and here's what I've discovered...

I adore my husband. I don't just love him or like him or think he's swell. I adore him. I have been in love with him for over thirteen years, and I am so truly blessed that I find myself loving him more and more with each new day. I treasure every second that we have together, and the past few months have made me more and more aware of this fact. After surviving a major car accident, being put on bed rest, and just being pregnant in general, it has become very clear to me how much of an impact this man has on my life. He worries about me, protects me, takes care of me, makes me laugh, and loves me. He is my best friend.

As our days of just being the two of us are quickly coming to an end, I am filled with a bittersweet feeling. I am beyond thrilled to be having this man's child, and I can't wait to meet our little guy, but at the same time, there is a hint of sadness. I'm so used to us just being us... doing what we want to do, when we want to do it, and how we want to do it. I'm used to the intimacy of always knowing what the other is thinking, not having to talk, or talking all night. And, I'm used to having each other all to ourselves.

I would be lying if I said that I haven't been mourning the loss of being two. Because we've never been anything other than just the two of us, I have no idea what to expect. "Anxious" is not even an adequate word to describe the way I feel.

However, I know that this little baby is going to rock our world in only the best way possible. Once we started trying, God wasted no time in sending him our way. So, he must be something special. I know that we have so many wonderful memories ahead of us... memories that I can't even begin to imagine. And, I know that this little boy is going to bring us even closer together.

Now, I just pray that God will help us through this transition. I pray that He will take away any anxiety that we may be feeling. And, I pray that He will help us to grow closer together as a married couple so that we can share this love with our son and show him how beautiful marriage can be.

So, to my wonderful, sweet husband, Blake... You are the love of my life. Thank you for making my world so beautiful.